Friday, December 09, 2005

Friends…they come and go, but...

You can’t choose your family but you can choose your friends,” my friend blurted out after a moment of silence. It’s only 10 in the morning and I want to tell her that 10 is too early to talk about angst, but one look at her, I know that the usual game of sarcasm and smart ass remarks will not work. “Why?” I asked and it will only take one word, just one before she start spilling her beans, soon after, I am awashed by her waves and waves of thoughts.

My friend has a point. We can’t choose our relatives and there is nothing we can do to change it. Even though at times, we badly want to trade everything we have just to change one tiny bit of detail…like changing your parents. But bad news. We can’t.

“It’s a good thing we can choose our friends,” she added. I nodded at her and caught unaware, I was already participating in the walk down memory lane.

‘Do you still remember the time when…’, our conversation will always start with the same sentence. Come to think of it, you may only start your conversation that way if you had been friends with that person for a considerable time. And I am very thankful that we got a chance to start with the ‘do you still remember’ spiel. So, pretending like we both don’t know the story, we took turns in completing it. Sometimes we add an extra bit of detail just to make the already funny account into a more hilarious and absurd adventure. After some time, let’s say a month, we will retell the story and laugh over and over like we heard it for the first time.

After the good heart warming laugh, I look at my friend and the question of ‘did I choose her’ is in my mind. Well, did she choose me? Obviously, I am positively, absolutely sure since she’s my friend for more than ten years now and still counting. But did we hit it off the first time we met? I don’t remember, but as the cliché goes, what matters most is today.

For so many times, I heard someone call me their friend. So, I will be his/her friend since he/she consider me as one and it’s nice because I always welcome new friends. So, I got a new friend but what kind of friendship do I have with this person?

Is he/she just another friend in passing (a friend because you have no choice just like some of your office friends), the cliché friend (the hi and hello type), the gimmick friend (someone who will only remember you during good times but shy away if you need a shoulder to cry on), the friend-friend (just one notch higher than gimmick friend because you could talk a bit of sad things), special friend (someone whom you reserve that special eye), best friend (a friend through thick and thin), and lastly, the intimate friend (could be an FB or a kissing bud).

After I determined what kind of friend this person could be, the next question is, is it right for me to qualify them? Or should I trash the qualifications out of the way? If ever I will qualify this person, will it help me determine the kind of effort I will need to exert if I want this friendship to last? Or will the friendship develop spontaneously?

If we are designed to be friends, then the friendship will just be there. If we could be with this person without inhibitions, pretensions, could do spontaneous and silly things, then he/she is a friend. If we could be with this person whom we could share secrets without judgement, someone whom we could fight with or be malambing with, then he/she is a friend.

Friend, it is really nice to have someone whom you could call and share the incident when you twist your ankle and went down on all fours in broad daylight in the middle of the street of Libertad. Or a friend who will call you in the middle of the night and give you a funny rendition of the song ‘Downtown’ because he/she misses you. And after you heard the song, you rushed to the nearest internet café to download the lyrics and the song eventually became your favorite.

It really feels good to have someone whom you could laugh with, so…who needs a boyfriend or girlfriend if its seems that a friend is enough to make your life happy? LOL. I know a friend could not satisfy our carnal desires (is it so?) but at the moment, self service would do until we find that someone whom we could be with, just like our friends.

Lyrics of Downtown.

When your alone and life is making you lonely,
you can always go, downtown.
When you’ve got worries all the noise and the hurry
seems to help I know, downtown.

So listen to the music of the traffic in the city
Linger in the sidewalks where the neon signs are pretty
How can you loose,
The lights are much brighter there
You can forget all yur troubles,
Fiorget all your cares
So go downtown
Things will be great when your downtown
No finer place for sure
everythings waiting for you.

Don’t hang around around
And let your problems surround you there ar movie shows
Maybe you know some little places to go to
Where they never close
Just listen to the rhythm of the a gentle possa nova
You’ll be dancing with him to before the night is over
Happy again.

The lights are much brighter there
You can forget all yur troubles,
Fiorget all your cares
So go downtown
Where all the light are bright
Waiting for you tonight
You’re gonna be all right now.

And you may find somebody kind to help and understand you
Someone who is just like you
And needs a gentle hand to guide them along
So maybe I’ll see you there
We can forget all our troubles forget all our cares
So go downtown
Don’t wait a minute for Downtown,
Everythings waiting for you.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Very Dredd, my rocking days!

The more we laughed, the more it killed him.Skin paints could not hide his failure to be brave.We pretended our charity healed himwhen in fact it pushed him closer to his grave. (excerpt from The Late and Hardly Lamented Canuplin by C.F. Bautista)

I remembered many years ago when I used to tag along with my rockista boyfriend for his band rehearsals. I played a good doting girlfriend with baby powder in one hand and a fresh crisply clean tshirt on the other. And amidst the screaming girls who watched him perform, I will put my possessive side forward with a subtle tag of 'Heizel's property' blinking on his forehead. (Okay, the part of baby powder is not true...I can't imagine myself playing 'slave' to a macho boyfriend.)

The time of Dredd, Mayricks and Cowboy Grill were my best, fun and wild time. I was invincible. I could do anything, whenever I want and whatever I want to. It was the time when I used to cry over Guns 'N Roses' song Don't Cry and body slam on Sweet Child of Mine. The time when
my heart raced as my boyfriend stepped on the gas pedal and speeded at 120 km/her, and the mobile patrol were at our tail for an illegal drag race (well, madami namang hinahabol nung panahon na yun dahil drag race nga, but I remembered when I tried na bumitaw at makipagsabayan sa karera. My palms were sweating when I changed gear. I looked at my companion and saw him grin and he cajoled me to step on it. A rush of adrenaline surged in my veins and I was speeding at 120 to 130 km/hr. I was screaming in delight until I saw the yellow post that served as the sign to make a turn. I panicked and suddenly stepped on the brake, but I guess it was not my time yet.

I shiver whenever I remembered my romancing with death. The drag race, the race with vices and dance with danger, all these made me who I am today. The once fearless me is now another person amongst the many who is looking forward to a quiet evening. My once adventure filled life is longing for the stillness of the night where I could lay back and enjoy the pleasure of reading, but once in a while, the calling of the dream-like lights mingled with a cloud of cigarette smoke and loud rock music hung in the air, swirling heavily enticing me to again taste that fearless nights, just like before.