Sunday, November 27, 2005

mystifying love

I can't remember the last time I fell in love. I am not even sure if it was love or just frustration. I am having a hard time defining love or its difference from true-if there is one, but what I know is that I want to find one, and I think like everybody else, I deserve it. It sound pathetic if you will really think about it, but hey, who is not. It is just that some people doesn't want to admit that they are pathetic, so they are giving it a different term. Some might react that, how silly I am to write about this age old mystery of love, true love and frustration. But is it really a mystery or just a thing that we don't , can't understand. I once read that before you could give love to someone, you must love yourself first, still, it brings me back to the question of what is love? If I will assume that I know the meaning of the word love, then is it the correct meaning? If I will believe its meaning, will it make the meaning true?

A friend ask me once if "Pagpapakamartir ba pag ginawa ka ng tanga ng taong mahal mo, o pagmamahal pag nagpakatanga ka at nagpakamartir?" Even I could not answer it since I need to define those terms first. But one thing I know at the moment, ayokong magpakatanga dahil sa pagmamahhal at lalo na ang magpakamartir, but if that entails finding your 'true' love, then I might.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Ready. Set. Go!

It's been a long while since I last released...shared my angst in this unfathomable blog. Obviously, lots of things happened to your dear moi...lots of tears and heartaches which I am still battling to overcome. Those many nights of countless gimmicks and bottles of beers which I refused to count, I am still here, waiting for someone who could make me my senses. Eventhough how many times I refused to admit that all my loneliness all boils down to my longiness to be loved? I know, it's pathetic and before I saw it as something that a weak person would want, but now, I am one of them and it is sad. Why do we need someone to complete us? Is it a sign of weakness? Of insecurity? Could we not complete ourselves by being ourselves? Being alone? It's a cliche to say that being alone doesn't mean being lonely...yeah! I still want to believe it...I am convincing myself that I still believe it but this unfathomable feeling of hollowness is persistent and I want it to stop. But I don't know how.