AIDS and travel

I am cooking up this NGO project that handles information drive and support system for AIDS patients and I am just ecstatic to close the deal and go out of Luzon within this week. I will be with Junie and we will venture into this sea and land adventure of documenting our hombre searching...I mean the AIDS awareness activities, but I am also hoping that the reason why we will be there is because of the former. However, come to think of it, it could work both ways. Hombre and work...work and hombre but of course, we will not go skin deeping with those men we will meet during work because he might just be one of the carriers.

Anyway, talking about men, men in Manila are pathetic and I hope men in the provinces of Samar and Bohol are different. Different in a sense that they are more eager to please? LOL. Hmm, will it be really different or it'll be the same men but only this time it'll be men with monkey tails? (Laugh...laugh).

A friend told me that men in the provinces are more likeable and more sensitive. Well, yeah, right! I just wish he is not an HIV carrier which is very likely since we will be interacting with them. Not sexually of course! My goodness! But we might go to a beach and strut our stuff so that we could meet men...big men to complete our trip...literally and figuratively.

As I have mentioned earlier, I am looking forward for our 'trip', so eventhough we haven't signed the contract yet and haven't secured the downpayment, my things to bring lists already fills one whole page of my scratch pad. And surprise, surprise (well okay, not so much of a surprise), sunblocks and two sets of swim suits are the things on the top of my list. Third is at least two bottles of off lotion followed by a sunglasses, a cap and a turban and so on. After rereading my list, I realized that almost all things I've listed is for the sake of vanity, vanity and more vanity. *SIGH*

Looking at my glorious skin, it is already tan so no need for me to heighten my shade and besides, I don't want all those money spent on whitening products go to waste.

Aside from the adventure and fun that I have in mind, still I need to face the fact that we will be there because of work. So, I need to face my fear with habal-habal (actually is it just a motorcycle overloaded with at least ten people who are praying hard not to fall), lots of ferry boat rides without cover...as in, that's why we need the sunblocks, and lots of jeepney rides as well. *Sigh* After imagining and researching these habal-habal thingy, I think I want to change my mind now...I wish but I won't. This is another adventure I will not miss. Just like the time I went to Porac Pampanga for an integration with the Aeta community, it is where I met Ka Rick and the rest of the tribe, but the most hilarious thing I did...okay the stupiest and ignorant thing I did was when I called one minority a monkey. I truly regretted it after and I am not proud of what I did, but hey! Who can blame me? That minority was asking me why the unat people are calling them monkeys...and the smart ass me immediately answered that maybe they like bananas. So you see, it is not my fault and besides, i did not called them monkeys...not directly anyway and it is not my intention. I am trying to be defensive here...so stop laughing and sneering.

Wish and you'll get it!

I'm exhausted! Just like yesterday, I was exhausted as well...and just like the other day and a day before that. It seems that I am always exhausted. And I almost dreading the fact that I am always rushing...cramming for writing deadlines. I also hear myself complaining about the writing load that I have. But who am I to complain? This is what I wished and worked for. Sometimes I need to remind myself that it was not so long ago that I resigned from my call center job as a product trainer, that I wished for a writing job. I even thought of securing an employment at one of the national publication but after engaging in a good conversation with a writer friend and classmate, I changed my mind and tried the field of freelance writing.

I gave myself just two months to gather enough clients and writing assignment and it didn't took me two months to accomplish it. After three weeks or less maybe, through the help of an old buddy Owen, I was already writing for Manila Bulletin. Also, I had been able to contact the technical adviser of our college publication before and my convincing power was not even p ut to test since after I told him about what I need, I immediate got a positive answer.

So, I was alright with the flow of contacts so far, until I've met this American client who needs a PR agent. So, I asked him if I could apply...eventhough I have a vague idea on what a PR agent do. After a day, I received a confirmation email from the client and I was surprised that he accepted my application. Immediately after the good news, I rushed to DLSU's library and borrowed several books on PR, advertising and other related books about the work.

After two days, aimed with the textbook knowledge, I submitted my first proposal and it was approved. The client was satisfied with my work that he actually referred me to a new client. After a month, that same client gave me another work and this time for a project documentation of an NGO. The work at NGO will require me to travel to the remote areas of Eastern Samar and Bohol. I thought that I may not be able to deliver on time especially that the work will be tasking and also, I still have other commitments with other publications and one of them is the National Office of Mass Media- I need to submit the 48 pages radio script which until now, I'm still working, writing and polishing it. So, I asked Junie if we could be partners on this NGO work and good thing, he was up to the challenge. And now, I need to finish my 48 pages backlog, an article for Manila Bulletin, a press release for the American client, lots of coordination and lastly, I need to edit the 15 pages project report of the NGO which I volunteered to finish until Monday. I forgot to mention that the editing part is pro bono.

So, who am I to complain? After all this bruhaha of going crazy about work load and feeling exhausted, all I need to do is think of the rewards I will get after the crazy work.

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Early this morning, I tried to finish at least one set of radio script to lessen the 48 pages backlog. So, I have no choice but to sleep at around two in the moring and wake up at six since I got class by eight. After my two classes which ended at 1:30, together with Candy, Mich and Jenny, we went to CCP for the theater play. After the play, we went to a bar just across CCP and drunk two bottles of beer and stuffed ourselves with food. We stayed there until ten and when we are about to leave, this drummer guy of the band playing at the bar approached me and asked for my name. Too bad he is too young and I don't to be tagged as a c raddle snatcher so I gave him my sweet smile and took my leave. In short, today is a good day...but tiring.

another crazy blabbering

Kasama ko kagabi ang ilan sa mga malalapit kong kaibigan na sina Owen, Dee at Mon. Nanood kami ng isang movie about love and relationship and as usual...I was depressed after. Normally, other people would feel elated after seeing the movie but no...not me. I already freed myself from the clutches of day dreaming that everything is going to be alright, that someday my prince will come and save me from the stupor of my loneliness. Ha! First, I am not lonely and I don't need men.

I read this blog about sexual preferences and I was curious with the bicurious term. What if...what if...Oh my! I can't even spill it out. My system still can't imagine moi to be in it. You know. I still prefer men. As in. But how come the thought crossed my mind? I think it is just normal to sometimes feel weird like this. Or maybe 'I am' already, only that I am in denial? No, if I am then I wouldn't write that I am in denial...right? It is just like no drunkard ever admit that he is drunk or no addict ever admitted that he is. So, what this whole weird stuff makes me?

For now, while I am in the state of confussion...I tried to make myself busy and productive but how I wish my reproductive glands would get a good exercise as well. A friend tried to scare me once that if I don't use it, it'll close down permanently. Another friend told me or reminded me that I am a good girl already and should continue to do so. But what the hell! I am good and never have any bad bones in me. I may be a bitch...sometimes...only if I want to and if the circumstance calls for it, but I am an angel deep inside. Believe it...YOU B!!!

Okay...I am trying to calm down. Shhhh...Shhh. Going back, I don't want to date boys anymore. Eventhough they are about my age but most of them were acting like boys or little girls. What a F@#K! Maybe I should consider opening a kindergarten school instead.

Welcome to my world...where English is sometimes spoken

Despite the sheer pressure of targeting so much in a short span of time...I still find time to read a chiclit novel as my carnal release since I can't (by choice...a hard choice) do any foolish things anymore. I know...I know that you will laugh Ogie since you knew me for quite some time already...say seven or eight years? Anyway, aside from reading a book, I recruited Owen as a member of my solitary Baclaran club where I religiously hear mass every Wednesday for a couple of months already. I know...I know Nono, you will laugh...just like Ogie who wouldn't, and couldn't in his life believe...in fact he absolutely refuse to believe that I am a good girl na. Back to the novel with a title the same as of this entry...I sometimes wonder why we can't understand each other eventhough we speak the same language. Are we really sometimes stupid (which we will not admit of course) or we are just acting stupid? I know...I know...you are not stupid but how come we act stupid on certain occasions? Is it the adventurer in us? The thrill seeker? Or eventhough we are smart...in most ways, our weakness is still our emotion which prompted us to act weird and do foolish things? Hmm...I am not making any sense.

PANIC...same old story

Sometimes I can't help but scold myself for being so arrogant. Since I am a hard-headed-self-assured foxy lady who gets what she wants and have the great confidence that I could do things, I accepted numerous writing assignments and agreed to a deadline which is impossible to meet. Today, I am fretting because the 48 pages radio script is due tomorrow and so far, I am down to 40 pages. So, you see, I actually did accomplished something and at least, I am done with the 8 pages. Ha! Not only that, my arrogance extended to its highest level when I told my client that I'll complete the press kit this coming Tuesday or Wednesday, I also have a pressccon at the Department of Health this Monday and need to attend a health summit on Tuesday. Wednesday is the deadline for Manila Bulletin's articles and on the side, I need to coordinate various activities for the NGO project that I am targetting to close. Isn't it fun? Could you just not love me since I am a go getter person who likes many challenges which resulted to a deep shit?

Hmmm...I think the scolding will commence today...as in now na...since I am still here...doing nothing important...but fret.

Completeness and satisfaction

Yesterday or better to say early this morning at 2, I was with some of my very close and trusted friends Owen, Janice and Dee. As usual our conversation varied from anything we could think of and somehow, it was diverted to the question on the sense of being complete and satisfied. The smart ass in us, a very natural thing after knowing them for more than ten years, immediately commented that we complete ourselves. I complete me. LOL. But after drinking at least four glasses of water, we took the question seriously and plunged into a not so heated conversation about completeness and satisfaction.

The yardstick of completeness and satisfaction really varies on a person and one determination of that yardstick is first to define it. However, its definition will still vary on who made the definition and who made the interpretation. So how would you know if you are already complete or satisfied? It looks like a stupid question, but really...How would you know?

Owen cited that it the sense of being complete and satisfied is not measured by material things. I agree. However, you could be satisfied by acquiring materials things but the satisfaction will wane after some time and you will look for new things to satisfy you. Therefore, it is going to a be a cycle.

On the 'romantic' mode (I often call it the dillussioned mode), a woman feels complete if she'll find a man to marry and have kids. If your thinking falls under this, then you are so out dated gradma. Could you not complete you? Is having someone the only escape to this habitual nuerosis of desperation and depression? Could I not say I complete myself? It sounds less complicated and fulfilling.

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I feel sad...But who is not? Everybody feel sad. They just don't admit it. You feel happy now? C'mon! Stop pretending! You are sad. You must be sad enough to waste your time with your asshole boyfriend eventhough you cringed at his touch or keeping mum about your girlfriend's constant nagging. See? You are sad. Welcome to my world!

The Challenges of the Challenged

It's been many years that I'd been using the word challenge which actually pertains to a problem which describes the dilemma I was and am facing. I was trying to psych myself that everything will be alright and that a problem is not really a problem but just a spice of life which makes mine more fun and interesting. I am overly optimistic...Which makes me miserable most of the time, but I am too proud to admit that I am because first and foremost, I must admit to myself that I am actually facing a problem. But no! It is a challenge. So, that makes me a very challenged person.

Today, I challenged myself once again and emerged in another money making scheme of writing a script for a radio drama. The challenge is, I don't know how...But as expected, I will not admit it, so the brazen moi borrowed and photocopied a whole textbook on how to write a radio script just before the end of the school term last year. It pushed me to study the whole damn book over the holidays and now, after getting my story concept approved, I need to finish the 48 pages radio script until Monday next week. How am I going to do that? Fret? Go crazy, which I can't anymore...Because I admit I'm still am and if I add another crazy antic, I'll end up in the loony bin. How about sleep it off? Go on a date? Look for a fucking buddy? Rehash a boyfriend? Well, the last option is very tempting since two former beaus are sending exciting messages that promises great carnal experience to the good old moi...But I can't. I had been restricting myself to commit another pleasurable adventure since I am trying very hard...As in hard to be good. HA! I am already good...In a lot of ways but this time, chaste good? So the last option is not really feasible. Maybe the option prior to the last? Will it be acceptable...Again... For the good moi?

With the many options I got, I am again faced with a new challenge of deciding on which is which and who amongst the dark exciting options will I pursue? See? Because of the radio script challenge, I created myself with a new challenge and it will go on and on and on until I finished the radio which eventually I will because the radio manager is expecting it for production already. That's it. I'm going to pull my hair now and scream.

It was never the same

I was with some MFA classmates at Kaibigan eating lunch today and when I looked at their faces, I was sad. I miss the guys guys terribly. I was trying to be friendly to my not so new classmates and indeed, I found some whom I think I could get along with...even for the whole semester but still, I can't help but to miss the old wacky faces of the MFA barkada whom I got used to for almost a year. Imagine, I was with this wacky old bunch of far-out, groovy, neurotic but happy group whom I shared my deepest darkest carnal secrets every Saturday and just after a couple of weeks, just after the holidays, they were gone. Well, not totally...I hope, but their presence made a great difference.

I miss Louie. Yes, you got it right. Eventhough we act like two immature beast sometimes and almost kill each other...with nagging silence, I still miss him. Who wouldn't anyway. You will not find another egocentric but lovable friend, right? Mich who haven't been able to finish her carnal lecture 101 yet from good old moi, Allan who started the Marabini thingy, Razel whom I still want to hear more secrets and revelations, Cherrie whom I wanted to know more, Althea my very first lung center buddy, my katsismisan even before the MFA guys guys was formed and my confidante for the more gory details of my carnal escapades and lovelife...as in, and lastly, Junie, my church buddy...AS IN (LOL), my kalokohan buddy at laging kaaway but my kakampi. Well, I don't miss Candy since she is my classmate for Literary History of the Philippines churva, so we will be sick and tired with each other's beautiful faces and great sense of humor for the rest of the term. Ha! See what I mean? Who wouldn't miss a group like the MFA guys guys?